Positive Parenting

My little toddler is out-of-control adorable. 

I know you feel the same way about your own kids. Sometimes you look at them, and you're just like "WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE!?!?!?!?!" Because they are! And it's so amazing. But then, sometimes in the midst of them being out-of-control adorable, you realize they're acting downright out-of-control, hold the adorable. You know what kind of stuff I mean.

Insisting on ripping clothes off in the middle of Mass. Pulling poop out of her diaper and bringing it to you like it's a present, only to discover it's not chocolate. or peanut butter. Throwing rice all over the carpet. Climbing into the shower with you every. single. time. Pulling every last wipe out of the box and scattering them everywhere. The list goes on. Feel free to add your own in the comment section!

In a world like this, it's easy to slip into an endless reel of "No." "Don't." "Stop." "No." "NO!!" "Do not." "Stop it." "Noooooo!!!" and the ever-famous, machine-gun "N-n-n-n-no-no-no-no!!" These words play on as an endless playlist to your life, and with each new crisis, you're doing you're very best to not end up sounding and looking like this. So what can a mama do?

Something that's been helping me a lot lately is to focus on using "positive" commands with Gemma rather than the negative ones. So rather than just saying "Stop. Stop. STOP. Do NOT do that!" when I find her pulling every article of clothing she owns out of her drawers, I say something like "Gemma, put those clothes back in the drawer." Instead of telling her what NOT to do, I tell her what TO do instead.

Before I give the command, I also simply say her name "Gemma" and wait for her to meet my eyes, that way I know I have her attention. I've been doing this as often as I can and I have to say, it works waaaay better than just yelling "No!" every time she does something psycho. I think we were both getting to a point of being numb to that word!

So that's my advice. When you find find your child in the midst of chaos, try to hold back the negative commands, and offer a positive command instead. Here are some more examples:

"Do NOT pour your water out of that cup!" vs. "DRINK the water from the cup."

"Stop throwing those blocks" vs. "Hey, can you build me a tower with those blocks?"

"No hitting/biting/scratching/pinching/etc!" vs. "Gemma, show me how to do a gentle touch."

"Don't climb on the table" vs. "Sit in your seat like a big girl."

Now, I'm in no way saying this is fool-proof and works every time. HA! Ha. Ha ha to the ha ha ha. Toddlers and children still have a mind and will of their own and sometimes are testing it out on purpose. Of course there are times when the "No"s and "Don't"s are fully necessary. However, I do think it's better to rely on the positive commands for common usage, and rely on the negative commands for more serious matters.

It also helps to just keep your kids constantly distracted by an endless flow of fun things to do ;)

What are some of the crazier antics you've had to stop your kids from doing? Have you tried this type of "positive commands" parenting, and how does it work for your child?

Fear Mongering

As a parent (together with my husband), it is my responsibility - tremendous and terrifying responsibility- to make decisions for and on behalf of my child. What she will wear, eat, drink. What type of education we will give her. Then there's the more controversial topics like extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

We begin this process of making decisions for our child often before we even realize it's for the child. For example, choosing which prenatal vitamins to take during pregnancy, which prenatal care practitioner we choose, where we decide to give birth. While those decisions may seem about us, the parents, they are simultaneously affecting the child as well. And from the very beginning, with those early choices, and continuing on through the journey of parenthood, we are bombarded with information and opinions from friends, family, medical staff, parenting forums, strangers in the grocery store - about how to care for our children.

Like I said, the responsibility is tremendous, and at times, terrifying. We all want what's best for our children. We want them to have better lives than we did. And we don't want to make any mistakes. So when it comes time to make a tough choice about a particular issue, what do we do? Research. We want to be making a well-informed choice. So we study both sides of the issue. We ask friends and family what they've done. We pray about it and ask the Spirit to lead our choices. And unfortunately, very often in our journey to make a choice about this thing or that, we run into fear mongering. Whether or not some of the things that are presented to us in a fear-inducing way are true, it's the delivery of such information that is so wrong. I mean, c'mon people. We all know that there are pros and cons to every side of every decision. There are facts and there are opinions. Do we really need to subject ourselves to fear and hysteria? I don't think so. To me, the facts matter most. The opinions of those who want what is best for me and my child affect me too. But the fear-mongering - I try my best to just tune it out. But regardless, you can't escape it.

Examples:

Homebirth. "Your child will DIE if something goes wrong and you're not in the hospital! Are you really willing to put the life of your child at risk??" Or. "You WILL have a c-section if you deliver in a hospital."

Circumcision. Though I don't have a son, I've seen the fear mongering on both sides of this issue. "Your son will DIE of penile cancer if you don't circumcise him! All the other boys will ridicule him! He'll get infections!" Or: "Your son will DIE of blood loss if you circumcise him! He will be robbed of his dignity and sense of self! He will associate violence with sexuality!"

Vaccinations. "Your child will DIE of disease XYZ if you don't vaccinate her against it!" Or: "Your child will suffer brain injuries or terrible autoimmune issues if you give her all those shots!"

Co-sleeping. "You'll roll over your child and suffocate him if you sleep near him! You will never get her out of your bed - she'll be in high school still sleeping with you!" Or. "You will alienate your child and teach her to distrust you unless you co-sleep! He will die of SIDS if you're not close enough to him!"

I could go on and on. And if you're like me, you've seen all these arguments and more on so many different issues. Here's the problem with all this fear mongering. It can damage our ability to make the right choice. It makes us emotional about topics to the point where we'll make a knee-jerk decision just to ease the tension in our hearts. What we should be doing is looking at the facts. No matter the topic: take the emotional fear-mongering skewed opinions out of it, and place the facts in front of you. Study the facts. Pray for guidance. Make your choice, and be at peace about it.

I know it's easier said than done, because let's face it: these are our children we're talking about! We can't be objective when it comes to our child; inevitably there will be an emotional element that can't be severed while we make decisions on his or her behalf. But we can still protect ourselves from excessive fear-mongering, and I truly believe it is absolutely vital to do so.

What do you all think? Have you encountered this? How do you deal with all the fear that is thrown at you as a parent?