Sunday, September 16, 2012

You Know You're Pregnant When...

I foresee myself writing many installments of my new segment: You Know You're Pregnant When...

I am 12 weeks pregnant as of yesterday, and enough things have already happened, that HPTs and confirmation from the midwife aside... I would know I was pregnant without any shadow of a doubt.

So here we go, Week 12 of YKYPW.
You Know You're Pregnant When...

1. You cry watching a 2 minute video clip of Yo Gabba Gabba Live with your toddler.
     justification: Okay, in my head, it was just such an emotional, beautiful moment because these little children were SO joyful and excited! It was like watching somebody's dreams come true. :)

2. You find yourself eating a bowl of chili for breakfast.
    justification: First off, this chili is RIDICULOUS. We're talking, could probably win a prize, bowl-lickin', slap yo mama good. Second, it's a much wiser choice to eat chili first thing in the morning because it greatly reduces my risk of nighttime heartburn keeping me awake all night.

3. You cry as a funeral procession drives past you on your drive to the grocery store. To buy chocolate syrup and sour cream.
    justification: Alright, here's the thing. I have a weakness for funerals. One time in high school, my dad drove us up to the church so I could run in to grab a church bulletin and when I went inside, there was a funeral going on. I started bawling on the spot. No clue who the person was or anything, just something about that music really got to me... So anyway, fast-forward to a few days ago, and yea, I cried as the hearse, limo and procession drove by, but let me just tell you - this was a LONG procession. Like, tons of cars. And all I could think was "This person was REALLY loved, and all these people are going to miss him/her SO much!" It made me really, really sad! As for the syrup and sour cream... what? Standards for any household, right? One can never risk running low on either...

4. You go to put your toddler to sleep at 8:30pm and fall asleep before she does.
     justification: For real, people? I need to explain this one? Look, building a human being is hard work. Furthermore, parenting a two year-old all day long is hard work. You try doing both at once and see how late you can stay up!

5. You suddenly begin craving all of the EXACT foods you're supposed to avoid during pregnancy. i.e. sushi, deli sandwiches, wine, etc.
    justification: I am truly at a loss here. Maybe it's the whole forbidden fruit complex. Maybe it's that everywhere you look people are enjoying these forbidden fruits and look like they're having SO much fun doing it! Maybe I just really like those foods normally and now that I can't have them, it makes me sadly pine for them until we can once again be reunited.

6. You frequently find yourself saying to your husband "I know I literally just asked you this question two seconds ago, but I can't remember what your answer was..."
    justification: This is a legit issue, people. This one I can be sure is not just me. I know there's probably some fancy scientific explanation behind it, but I just like to call it "pregnancy brain." These little babies, when they're growing inside you... they steal your brain cells. Or something like that. But for reals, you cannot remember anything. You feel like a bimbo, stoner, amnesiac moron. It's torturous.

7. You suddenly feel brave enough to comment to other women in public who look pregnant.
    justification: It's like, you're part of the secret society now too, so you see another prego mama in the store, and you're all like (head nod) "Sup, sista pregs. When you due? Me's be due in March, yo." Except you speak like a normal human being usually. But this is a dangerous courage, because you are still playing with fire. There really should just never be a time when you ask a lady about her however-obvious pregnancy. Because in reality, she might just have a tumor, or cyst, or bowel disorder, or some other condition that makes her look pregnant, and if so, she's probably really, really self-conscious about it and you might have just ruined her day. Yea, not cool.

8. You see families with the same number of kids as you're about to have when your newest baby is born, and you get super excited!
    justification: Of course you get excited to see other families of your imminent size! Not only does it make your pregnancy more real ("Wow, in x months, that's how our family will be!") but it also comforts you to know there are other families around like yours, and helps you to see it being done in practice, not just theory. Like, "Sweet, those people can do it, so can we!"

9. You were trying to make a list of ten things, but could only come up with these nine. And this one shouldn't even count because it's just an excuse to not do ten.
    justification: Dude, it's almost 11pm and I refer you back to #4 and I rest my case. Goin to bed, homies. Peace. Love. Babies. Yea, I have no idea what I'm saying any more...

Night, y'all!! 
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